Funny Thoughts To Ponder

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why are there no 'B' batteries?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his iPod?
If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If you are bald, what hair color do they put on your driver's license?
If God sneezes, what should you say?
Is it still illegal to park next to a fire hydrant, even if your car is on fire?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
Do Jewish vampires still avoid crosses?
If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
If vampires can't see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
Can you daydream at night?
Why do they call the little candy bars "fun sizes". Wouldn't it be more fun to eat a big one?
What is Satan's last name?
What is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Why does quicksand work slowly?
Can crop circles be square?
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Can animals commit suicide?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If glassblowers inhale do they get a pane in the stomach?
Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Why do they sterilize lethal injections?
Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
Is a pessimist's blood type B-negative?
Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
What was Captain Hook's name before he got the hook?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you without your clothes on anyway.
Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
Why do people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every few hours?
Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says "Not available in all states"?
If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you are the main witness, what if you say "no"?
Do they bury people with their braces on?
How far east can you go before you're heading west?
How does a real estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?
Do prison buses have emergency exits?
Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
When lightning strikes the ocean, why don't all the fish die?
When two men get married to each other, do they both go to the same bachelor party?
If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack, should they save him?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Who was Sadie Hawkins?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
When crazy people walk through the forest, do they take the psycho path?
If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
If a parsley farmer loses a law suit, do they garnish his wages?
Can a cemetery raise its prices and blame it on the cost of living?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?
What do they call male meter maids?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
If you were driving at the speed of light and turned on your headlights, what would happen?
Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?
Can atheists get insurance for an act of God?
What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?
If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
Why is the man who invests your money called a "broker"?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?
Do you yawn in your sleep?
Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?
Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Can you plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
If someone who has their nose pierced has a cold, and they take their nose ring out, does snot come out of the piercing hole?
If you speak only one language, are you lingual?
How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.
Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
Why can't donuts be square?
Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?
What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object?
How can they arrest you for being 'legally drunk'? If it's legal, why is there a problem?
If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light, is there a speed of smell?
Why do overalls have belt loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
Do people in prison celebrate Halloween.... if so how?
Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?
Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?
What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of Siamese twins? Who gets to be king?
Why do we recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free?
Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
How come cats butts go up when you pet them?
What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time?
If a criminal turns himself in, shouldn't he get the reward money?
Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?
Why are dogs noses always wet?
If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?
Why do they lock the lid on a coffin?
Why don't women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Do bald people get dandruff?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word "lisp"?
Why do superheroes wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?
If a taxicab driver were to drive backwards, would he end up owing his passenger money?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
If you melt dry ice, could you swim without getting wet?
Do pigs pull their ham strings?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
If the Cincinnati Reds were the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
Can you cry under water?
Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car? And, why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?
If a bouncer at a bar gets drunk and unruly, who throws him out?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off?
When a pregnant woman has twins, are there 1 or 2 umbilical cords?
Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?
Why do they put holes in crackers?
Why do they call it "raw sewage"? Is there any other kind?
What do people in China call their good plates?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day?
Why is tuna sometimes called "tuna fish"? Chicken is never called "chicken bird".
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs?
Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?
Do Roman paramedics refer to 'IV's as '4's?
Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why does a priceless object cost more than a pricey one?
If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?
With so many rivers running into the ocean, why doesn't the water level rise?
If a vacuum cleaner really sucks, is that good or bad?
What are the handles for corn on the cob called?
When Popeye blows through his pipe, why doesn't his face get sprayed with burning ash?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Do your eyes change color when you die?
Was Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?
Why is it good to be "under par" in golf, but bad to be "under par" in anything else?
Can an ambidextrous person make an offhand remark?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
What type of animal is Snuffleupagus?
If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?
Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?
If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?
On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will anyone ever know?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?
Why is it "a penny for your thoughts", but you "put your two cents in"?
Why do they say "easy as pie"? Making a pie is not that easy.
Why people are so scared of mice, which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Mickey Mouse, who is bigger than us?
Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee?
Can bald men get lice?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?
If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your body hair?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Do married people really live longer than single people, or does it just seem longer?
Does the postman deliver his own mail?
Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?
Why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
If quitters never win, why do they tell us to quit while we're ahead?
Why aren't lawyers sworn in during trials?
Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?
Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space?
Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
If something "goes without saying", why do people still say it?
How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall, but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
Why does a dog get mad at you when you blow in his face, but stick his head out the window when you take him for a car ride?
If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?
Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?
If you lick the air, does it get wet?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Who coined the phrase, "coined the phrase"?
Why are you "in" a movie, but "on" TV?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why does grass only smell when you cut it?
If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?
When French people swear, do they say "pardon my English?"
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anything to do with steam.
What is another word for "thesaurus"?

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